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I think shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. For example The Tree Plan Shopping Center as a biggest shopping center in Adelaide. I'm working the take way shop in the T.T.P. Shopping center. There are huge number of coutner working around in the center every day. Many people buy lots of foods, drinks,  clothes and They are hand carry or they put in the trolly. On the other hand some peple me only window shopping.
 
I sometime worry about people who bought many things into trolly, because I think may be they are use anoney alot, and also some ladies who wear a looks expensive juellies. I have one friend who bankenrupt his self, because he had a expensive can, a expensive cloth. etc.

I think bad effect is many loan company estblished those year. People are easy to borrow money trough loan company and easy to go to bankalpt. People must concider about when they go to the shopping. Therefore before buy something people proust consider about shopping such as for yourself.

words: 178

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Score & Suggestions

1. Total Score: 4

Task Response: 5
Coherence and Cohesion: 4
Lexical Resource: 4
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4

1. Strengths and How to Maintain Them:

✅ The essay briefly mentions that shopping is becoming more popular as a leisure activity.
✅ The essay attempts to discuss the negative effects of excessive shopping.

2. Top Areas for Improvement: (with Tailored Learning Materials and Examples)

Area 1: Address the prompt fully and provide reasons and explanations for the popularity of shopping as a leisure activity.
- ✍️ Suggestion: Start by introducing the topic and providing reasons why shopping has become popular, such as convenience, variety of choices, and the influence of advertising.
- Example: "Shopping has become increasingly popular as a leisure activity due to its convenience, the wide range of choices available, and the persuasive influence of advertising."
Area 2: Improve the organization and coherence of the essay.
- ✍️ Suggestion: Use paragraphing to separate different ideas and ensure a clear progression of thoughts. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of the prompt.
- Example: Start a new paragraph when discussing the positive effects of shopping and another paragraph for the negative effects.
Area 3: Use cohesive devices consistently and effectively.
- ✍️ Suggestion: Use cohesive devices such as transition words (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition") and pronouns (e.g., "this," "these") to connect ideas and create a logical flow.
- Example: "Furthermore, the increase in popularity of shopping has led to the establishment of many loan companies, making it easier for people to borrow money and potentially leading to bankruptcy."
Area 4: Improve vocabulary range and accuracy.
- ✍️ Suggestion: Expand your vocabulary by reading more and practicing using new words in your writing. Pay attention to word choice and ensure accuracy in spelling and word formation.
- Example: Instead of "juellies," use "jewelry," and instead of "bankenrupt," use "bankrupt."

3. Summary: Keep practicing and improving your writing skills! You have some strengths, but make sure to address the prompt fully, improve organization and coherence, use cohesive devices effectively, and expand your vocabulary. Good luck! 😊

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AI Rewritten Essay

Original Essay

Social media has been the topic of many debates and discussions recently, with many people arguing that it has a negative impact on society. While it is true that social media can lead to issues like cyberbullying and reduced face-to-face communication, it is also important to note that social media has many potential benefits.The introduction could be more focused and provide a clearer stance

One positive impact of social media is its ability to create social awareness and connect people from different parts of the world. Additionally, social media is an effective marketing tool for businesses and can be used for social causes.This paragraph lacks specific examples and depth

While it is important to be aware of the negative impacts of social media, it's also important to acknowledge the positive effects it can have. Therefore, I partially agree with the statement that social media has had a negative impact on society.This paragraph doesn't adequately address the negative impacts mentioned in the introduction

Overall, it's crucial to use social media responsibly and strike a balance between its positive and negative impacts.The conclusion is too brief and doesn't effectively summarize the main points

Improved Essay

In recent years, social media has become an integral part of our daily lives, sparking debates about its impact on society. While some argue that social media has predominantly negative effects, I believe that its influence is more nuanced, offering both challenges and opportunities. This essay will examine the potential drawbacks of social media, such as cyberbullying and decreased face-to-face interactions, as well as its benefits in terms of global connectivity and social awarenessAdded specific aspects to be discussed, ultimately arguing for a balanced perspective on its societal impact.The improved introduction provides a clearer stance and outlines the essay structure

Social media platforms have revolutionized global connectivity and social awareness. For instance, the #MeToo movement, which began on Twitter, rapidly spread awareness about sexual harassment and assault worldwide, leading to significant societal changesAdded a specific example. Moreover, these platforms enable instant communication across borders, fostering cultural exchange and understanding. From a business perspective, social media has transformed marketing strategies. Companies like Nike have leveraged platforms such as Instagram to create powerful brand narratives and engage directly with consumers, demonstrating the effectiveness of social media as a marketing toolExpanded on the business aspect with an example. Additionally, non-profit organizations have harnessed social media for fundraising and volunteer recruitment, amplifying their impact on social causes.The improved paragraph provides specific examples and more depth

Despite its benefits, social media does present significant challenges to society. Cyberbullying, for example, has become a pervasive issue, with platforms like Facebook and Twitter sometimes serving as vehicles for harassment, leading to mental health issues among users, particularly teenagersAdded specific examples of cyberbullying impacts. Moreover, the convenience of online interaction has, in some cases, led to a reduction in meaningful face-to-face communication. Studies have shown that excessive social media use can contribute to feelings of loneliness and social isolation, paradoxically diminishing real-world social skillsExpanded on the impact of reduced face-to-face communication. However, it's crucial to balance these concerns against the positive impacts previously discussed. Social media's ability to connect people globally and raise awareness about important issues can, when used responsibly, outweigh its potential drawbacks.The improved paragraph addresses both negative and positive impacts with examples

In conclusion, while social media undoubtedly poses challenges such as cyberbullying and potential social isolation, its capacity to foster global connections, raise awareness about crucial issues, and provide powerful tools for businesses and social causes cannot be overlooked. The key lies in responsible usage and digital literacy education to mitigate the negative impacts while harnessing the positive potential of these platforms. As society continues to evolve with technology, it is essential to approach social media with a balanced perspective, recognizing both its drawbacks and its capacity for positive changeAdded a call to action and final stance. Therefore, rather than viewing social media as entirely negative, we should strive to leverage its benefits while actively addressing its challenges to create a more informed and connected society.The improved conclusion summarizes the main points and provides a final perspective

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We conducted a benchmarking exercise comparing our tool to official IELTS grades. For this purpose, we utilized a range of sample essays from bands 4 to 9, which are available on the ielts.org website.

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In this sample of five essays, ranging from band 4 to 8.5, UpScore.ai's grading was either on par with or within a 1.5 band difference from the official score. In the majority of cases (60%), the AI score varied from the official score by no more than 0.5 band.

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