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I think shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. For example The Tree Plan Shopping Center as a biggest shopping center in Adelaide. I'm working the take way shop in the T.T.P. Shopping center. There are huge number of coutner working around in the center every day. Many people buy lots of foods, drinks,  clothes and They are hand carry or they put in the trolly. On the other hand some peple me only window shopping.
 
I sometime worry about people who bought many things into trolly, because I think may be they are use anoney alot, and also some ladies who wear a looks expensive juellies. I have one friend who bankenrupt his self, because he had a expensive can, a expensive cloth. etc.

I think bad effect is many loan company estblished those year. People are easy to borrow money trough loan company and easy to go to bankalpt. People must concider about when they go to the shopping. Therefore before buy something people proust consider about shopping such as for yourself.

words: 178

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Score & Suggestions

1. Total Score: 4

Task Response: 5
Coherence and Cohesion: 4
Lexical Resource: 4
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4

1. Strengths and How to Maintain Them:

✅ The essay briefly mentions that shopping is becoming more popular as a leisure activity.
✅ The essay attempts to discuss the negative effects of excessive shopping.

2. Top Areas for Improvement: (with Tailored Learning Materials and Examples)

Area 1: Address the prompt fully and provide reasons and explanations for the popularity of shopping as a leisure activity.
- ✍️ Suggestion: Start by introducing the topic and providing reasons why shopping has become popular, such as convenience, variety of choices, and the influence of advertising.
- Example: "Shopping has become increasingly popular as a leisure activity due to its convenience, the wide range of choices available, and the persuasive influence of advertising."
Area 2: Improve the organization and coherence of the essay.
- ✍️ Suggestion: Use paragraphing to separate different ideas and ensure a clear progression of thoughts. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of the prompt.
- Example: Start a new paragraph when discussing the positive effects of shopping and another paragraph for the negative effects.
Area 3: Use cohesive devices consistently and effectively.
- ✍️ Suggestion: Use cohesive devices such as transition words (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition") and pronouns (e.g., "this," "these") to connect ideas and create a logical flow.
- Example: "Furthermore, the increase in popularity of shopping has led to the establishment of many loan companies, making it easier for people to borrow money and potentially leading to bankruptcy."
Area 4: Improve vocabulary range and accuracy.
- ✍️ Suggestion: Expand your vocabulary by reading more and practicing using new words in your writing. Pay attention to word choice and ensure accuracy in spelling and word formation.
- Example: Instead of "juellies," use "jewelry," and instead of "bankenrupt," use "bankrupt."

3. Summary: Keep practicing and improving your writing skills! You have some strengths, but make sure to address the prompt fully, improve organization and coherence, use cohesive devices effectively, and expand your vocabulary. Good luck! 😊

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AI Rewritten Essay

Original Essay

I think shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. For example The Tree Plan Shopping Center as a biggest shopping center in Adelaide. I'm working the take way shop in the T.T.P. Shopping center.Lacks a clear introduction There are huge number of coutner working around in the center every day. Many people buy lots of foods, drinks, clothes and They are hand carry or they put in the trolly. On the other hand some peple me only window shopping.Grammatical errors and unclear sentences

I sometime worry about people who bought many things into trolly, because I think may be they are use anoney alot, and also some ladies who wear a looks expensive juellies. I have one friend who bankenrupt his self, because he had a expensive can, a expensive cloth. etc.Grammatical errors and unclear ideas

Improved Essay

Shopping has become increasingly popular as a leisure activity in recent years, with significant effects on both individuals and society. This trend can be attributed to several factors, including the convenience of modern shopping centers, the wide variety of products available, and the social aspect of shopping.Clear introduction addressing the prompt For instance, the Tea Tree Plaza Shopping Center in Adelaide, where I work part-time, attracts a large number of visitors daily. Many shoppers purchase a variety of items, from food and drinks to clothing, either carrying their purchases or using shopping carts. Additionally, some people enjoy window shopping without making purchases, highlighting the recreational aspect of this activity.Improved grammar and clarity

However, the increasing popularity of shopping as a leisure activity has both positive and negative effects on individuals and society. On the positive side, it can be a form of stress relief and social bonding for many people. Conversely, there are concerns about excessive spending habits. For example, I've observed shoppers filling their carts with numerous items, potentially overspending their budgets. Additionally, the pressure to maintain appearances through expensive purchases, such as jewelry or branded clothing, can lead to financial strain. I personally know someone who faced bankruptcy due to excessive spending on luxury items like cars and designer clothes.Addressing negative effects with clear examplesImproved grammar and clarity

At a societal level, the rise in shopping as a leisure activity has led to the proliferation of loan companies, making it easier for people to borrow money for purchases. This ease of access to credit can potentially lead to increased debt and, in severe cases, bankruptcy. It's crucial for individuals to consider their financial situation carefully before making purchases, especially for non-essential items.Expanded on societal effectsImproved coherence and grammar In conclusion, while shopping as a leisure activity can provide enjoyment and social interaction, it's important to maintain a balance. Consumers should be mindful of their spending habits and prioritize financial responsibility. Society, in turn, needs to promote financial literacy and responsible consumption to mitigate the potential negative effects of this growing trend.Stronger conclusionGood concluding thoughts

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We conducted a benchmarking exercise comparing our tool to official IELTS grades. For this purpose, we utilized a range of sample essays from bands 4 to 9, which are available on the ielts.org website.

We evaluated each essay using UpScore.ai and compared the results to the evaluations provided by professional examiners from IELTS, which were included alongside the sample essays. The AI tool demonstrates a solid level of precision and accuracy.

In this sample of five essays, ranging from band 4 to 8.5, UpScore.ai's grading was either on par with or within a 1.5 band difference from the official score. In the majority of cases (60%), the AI score varied from the official score by no more than 0.5 band.

This underlines the tool's reliability in providing valuable and near-accurate feedback for IELTS preparation.