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Who should be responsible for our old people? One of the most challenging problems of today's society is the question of who should be responsible for our old people. It's not only a financial problem but also a question of the system we want our society to have. In my essay, I would like to four different models.

Firstly, the company can be responsible for their eldest employees. For this reason a special fund could be established. The advantage of this model is, if you believe in the capitalist system, that it should be the cheapest solution. A possible problem is that the companies might have a competitive disadvantage due to higher staff costs.

A second solution is that the government has to take the responsibility for the old people’s care. It can finances this with its tax incomes. Actually, this is the most democratic model since everybody gets as much money as he or she needs. Unfortunately, as the present situation in our country shows, this solution seems not to work very well. The government can no longer afford supporting all the old peoples.

Another way of solving this problem is to give back the responsibility to the individual. That means that everybody has to save money during their working life for the time after their retirement. This seems to be not a very fair model because their will certainly exist people who can’t afford to save part of their salary. In this case, the government would have to care for them.

A last solution is to go back to the old model of the “big family” who cares for all their members. I don’t think this is possible in our days society because the family structures have so much changes.

To sum up, I have to admit that I cannot find a really good solution for this problem. All models have advantages and disadvantages. Certainly we have to think about this topic much more in the future.

words: 329

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Score & Suggestions

1. Total Score: 6.5

Task Response: 7
Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Lexical Resource: 6
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

1. Strengths and How to Maintain Them:

✅ The essay thoroughly explores the question of who should be responsible for the care of old people. ✅ Each paragraph presents a different model for responsibility and discusses their advantages and disadvantages. ✅ The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs and a logical progression of ideas.

2. Top Areas for Improvement: (with Tailored Learning Materials and Examples)

Area 1: Vocabulary and Word Choice
- ✍️ Suggestion: Try to use more precise and accurate vocabulary. Pay attention to word choice and collocation.
- Example: Instead of saying "four different models," you can say "discussing four different models."
Area 2: Spelling and Word Formation
- ✍️ Suggestion: Double-check your spelling and word formation to avoid errors.
- Example: Instead of saying "finances," you can say "finance." Instead of saying "peoples," you can say "people's."
Area 3: Supporting Ideas with Specific Examples
- ✍️ Suggestion: Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your ideas.
- Example: Instead of just mentioning the present situation in the country, you can provide specific data or examples to illustrate your point.

3. Summary: Keep up the good work and focus on improving vocabulary precision and providing specific examples. You're on the right track! 😊

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AI Rewritten Essay

Original Essay

Social media has been the topic of many debates and discussions recently, with many people arguing that it has a negative impact on society. While it is true that social media can lead to issues like cyberbullying and reduced face-to-face communication, it is also important to note that social media has many potential benefits.The introduction could be more focused and provide a clearer stance

One positive impact of social media is its ability to create social awareness and connect people from different parts of the world. Additionally, social media is an effective marketing tool for businesses and can be used for social causes.This paragraph lacks specific examples and depth

While it is important to be aware of the negative impacts of social media, it's also important to acknowledge the positive effects it can have. Therefore, I partially agree with the statement that social media has had a negative impact on society.This paragraph doesn't adequately address the negative impacts mentioned in the introduction

Overall, it's crucial to use social media responsibly and strike a balance between its positive and negative impacts.The conclusion is too brief and doesn't effectively summarize the main points

Improved Essay

In recent years, social media has become an integral part of our daily lives, sparking debates about its impact on society. While some argue that social media has predominantly negative effects, I believe that its influence is more nuanced, offering both challenges and opportunities. This essay will examine the potential drawbacks of social media, such as cyberbullying and decreased face-to-face interactions, as well as its benefits in terms of global connectivity and social awarenessAdded specific aspects to be discussed, ultimately arguing for a balanced perspective on its societal impact.The improved introduction provides a clearer stance and outlines the essay structure

Social media platforms have revolutionized global connectivity and social awareness. For instance, the #MeToo movement, which began on Twitter, rapidly spread awareness about sexual harassment and assault worldwide, leading to significant societal changesAdded a specific example. Moreover, these platforms enable instant communication across borders, fostering cultural exchange and understanding. From a business perspective, social media has transformed marketing strategies. Companies like Nike have leveraged platforms such as Instagram to create powerful brand narratives and engage directly with consumers, demonstrating the effectiveness of social media as a marketing toolExpanded on the business aspect with an example. Additionally, non-profit organizations have harnessed social media for fundraising and volunteer recruitment, amplifying their impact on social causes.The improved paragraph provides specific examples and more depth

Despite its benefits, social media does present significant challenges to society. Cyberbullying, for example, has become a pervasive issue, with platforms like Facebook and Twitter sometimes serving as vehicles for harassment, leading to mental health issues among users, particularly teenagersAdded specific examples of cyberbullying impacts. Moreover, the convenience of online interaction has, in some cases, led to a reduction in meaningful face-to-face communication. Studies have shown that excessive social media use can contribute to feelings of loneliness and social isolation, paradoxically diminishing real-world social skillsExpanded on the impact of reduced face-to-face communication. However, it's crucial to balance these concerns against the positive impacts previously discussed. Social media's ability to connect people globally and raise awareness about important issues can, when used responsibly, outweigh its potential drawbacks.The improved paragraph addresses both negative and positive impacts with examples

In conclusion, while social media undoubtedly poses challenges such as cyberbullying and potential social isolation, its capacity to foster global connections, raise awareness about crucial issues, and provide powerful tools for businesses and social causes cannot be overlooked. The key lies in responsible usage and digital literacy education to mitigate the negative impacts while harnessing the positive potential of these platforms. As society continues to evolve with technology, it is essential to approach social media with a balanced perspective, recognizing both its drawbacks and its capacity for positive changeAdded a call to action and final stance. Therefore, rather than viewing social media as entirely negative, we should strive to leverage its benefits while actively addressing its challenges to create a more informed and connected society.The improved conclusion summarizes the main points and provides a final perspective

Trusted evaluation

Accuracy and reliability are crucial for IELTS essay evaluations. Our AI system has undergone rigorous testing to align with IELTS band criteria, providing you with dependable results.

We conducted a benchmarking exercise comparing our tool to official IELTS grades. For this purpose, we utilized a range of sample essays from bands 4 to 9, which are available on the ielts.org website.

We evaluated each essay using UpScore.ai and compared the results to the evaluations provided by professional examiners from IELTS, which were included alongside the sample essays. The AI tool demonstrates a solid level of precision and accuracy.

In this sample of five essays, ranging from band 4 to 8.5, UpScore.ai's grading was either on par with or within a 1.5 band difference from the official score. In the majority of cases (60%), the AI score varied from the official score by no more than 0.5 band.

This underlines the tool's reliability in providing valuable and near-accurate feedback for IELTS preparation.