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Who should be responsible for our old people? One of the most challenging problems of today's society is the question of who should be responsible for our old people. It's not only a financial problem but also a question of the system we want our society to have. In my essay, I would like to four different models.

Firstly, the company can be responsible for their eldest employees. For this reason a special fund could be established. The advantage of this model is, if you believe in the capitalist system, that it should be the cheapest solution. A possible problem is that the companies might have a competitive disadvantage due to higher staff costs.

A second solution is that the government has to take the responsibility for the old people’s care. It can finances this with its tax incomes. Actually, this is the most democratic model since everybody gets as much money as he or she needs. Unfortunately, as the present situation in our country shows, this solution seems not to work very well. The government can no longer afford supporting all the old peoples.

Another way of solving this problem is to give back the responsibility to the individual. That means that everybody has to save money during their working life for the time after their retirement. This seems to be not a very fair model because their will certainly exist people who can’t afford to save part of their salary. In this case, the government would have to care for them.

A last solution is to go back to the old model of the “big family” who cares for all their members. I don’t think this is possible in our days society because the family structures have so much changes.

To sum up, I have to admit that I cannot find a really good solution for this problem. All models have advantages and disadvantages. Certainly we have to think about this topic much more in the future.

words: 329

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Score & Suggestions

1. Total Score: 7

Task Response: 7
Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Lexical Resource: 7
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

2. Strengths and How to Maintain Them:

The essay presents four different models for who should be responsible for the care of old people, each with advantages and disadvantages. ✅
The writer supports their ideas with examples and presents a clear progression throughout the response. ✅
The essay demonstrates a good command of vocabulary and a range of complex structures. ✅

3. Top Areas for Improvement: (with Tailored Learning Materials and Examples)

Area 1: Task Response
- ✍️ Suggestion: Clearly state your position on who should be responsible for the care of old people and provide evidence to support your claim.
- Example: Instead of presenting four different models without a clear conclusion, choose the model you believe is the best solution and explain why.
Area 2: Coherence and Cohesion
- ✍️ Suggestion: Ensure that each paragraph relates clearly to the main question of the prompt and avoid over-generalizing.
- Example: When discussing the model of the government taking responsibility for the care of old people, provide evidence to support your claim that the government cannot afford to support all old people.
Area 3: Lexical Resource
- ✍️ Suggestion: Use more topic-specific vocabulary related to the care of elderly people and avoid repetition of words.
- Example: Instead of using "old people" repeatedly, use synonyms such as "elderly" or "senior citizens."

4. Summary: (and encouragement)

Good job presenting different models for who should be responsible for the care of old people. Remember to clearly state your position and provide evidence to support your claim. Keep up the good work! 😊

Trusted evaluation

Accuracy and reliability are crucial for IELTS essay evaluations. Our AI system has undergone rigorous testing to align with IELTS band criteria, providing you with dependable results.

We conducted a benchmarking exercise comparing our tool to official IELTS grades. For this purpose, we utilized a range of sample essays from bands 4 to 9, which are available on the ielts.org website.

We evaluated each essay using UpScore.ai and compared the results to the evaluations provided by professional examiners from IELTS, which were included alongside the sample essays. The AI tool demonstrates a solid level of precision and accuracy.

In this sample of five essays, ranging from band 4 to 8.5, UpScore.ai's grading was either on par with or within a 1.5 band difference from the official score. In the majority of cases (60%), the AI score varied from the official score by no more than 0.5 band.

This underlines the tool's reliability in providing valuable and near-accurate feedback for IELTS preparation.