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Shopping as a leisure activity is an issue that araises an endless debates. There are, therefore, many arguments about positive and negative effects, In this essay I am writing to about the reasons of shopping's popularity and the effects on individuals and on society.

To begin with, shopping is regarded as a kind of leisure actinties such as sports, reading books and watching movies. Sometimes shopping makes a person feel relexed, it is especially true for people who have a lot of money. Most of all many shopper feel proxy satisfaction when they have the right to choose something.

Of course the effects of its popularity depend on individuals and society. But there are a number of effects on individual and society in general. Over consumption is a major problem. The excessive preference of shopping might result in over consuming. And abnormal consumption lead to a violence of nature. To satisfy consumers' need, a lot of companies have to exploit the nature.

The excessive consumption beyond normal shopping is responsible for social tension and class divisions. Because many person who can not affort to buy life commodities might feel anti-society attitude.

From the above we considered two issues. These are very important issues because shopping is an inevitable part of our life. In the future I can hope that shoppers have to consider the influence on the other persons, the nature and society. And the government educate the general public do sound consumption.

words: 243

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Score & Suggestions

1. Total Score: 6.5

Task Response: 9
Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Lexical Resource: 6
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

1. Strengths and How to Maintain Them:

✅ The essay fully addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons for shopping's popularity and its effects on individuals and society.
✅ Your position is clear and well-developed, directly answering the question.
✅ You provide relevant ideas and support them with examples.

2. Top Areas for Improvement: (with Tailored Learning Materials and Examples)

Area 1: Cohesion and Clarity
- ✍️ Suggestion: Pay attention to the cohesion of your essay. Make sure your ideas flow smoothly from one sentence to another and from one paragraph to another. Use transition words and phrases to connect your ideas.
- Example: Instead of saying "In this essay I am writing to about," you can say "In this essay, I will discuss" or "This essay will explore."
Area 2: Topic Organization
- ✍️ Suggestion: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the focus remains consistent throughout the paragraph. Avoid shifting topics within a paragraph.
- Example: In the second paragraph, the focus shifts from shopping as a leisure activity to the satisfaction of shoppers. It would be clearer to separate these ideas into separate paragraphs.
Area 3: Grammar and Punctuation
- ✍️ Suggestion: Review your grammar and punctuation to improve accuracy. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and sentence structure.
- Example: Instead of saying "the excessive preference of shopping might result in over consuming," you can say "excessive shopping preferences might result in overconsumption."

3. Summary: Keep up the good work and focus on improving cohesion, topic organization, and grammar. You have a strong understanding of the topic and provide relevant ideas. Good luck! 😊

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AI Rewritten Essay

Original Essay

Improved Essay

Shopping as a leisure activity has become increasingly popular in recent years, sparking debates about its positive and negative effects on individuals and society. This essay will explore the reasons behind shopping's popularity and examine its impact on both personal and societal levels.Clear thesis statementImproved clarity, grammar, and structure

Shopping has evolved into a popular leisure activity, comparable to sports, reading, or watching movies. It offers a unique combination of entertainment, stress relief, and the thrill of discovery. For many, the act of browsing and purchasing provides a sense of relaxation and escapism from daily routines. Additionally, the power of choice and decision-making involved in shopping can boost one's sense of autonomy and satisfaction.Added specific reasons for shopping's popularity While this experience is particularly enjoyable for those with disposable income, the popularity of window shopping and bargain hunting demonstrates that the appeal of shopping transcends economic boundaries.Addresses economic aspectMore detailed explanation with improved grammar and vocabulary

The increasing popularity of shopping as a leisure activity has significant effects on both individuals and society. At an individual level, it can lead to overconsumption, financial stress, and even shopping addiction. Societally, this trend contributes to environmental degradation, as increased demand fuels excessive production and resource exploitation. For instance, fast fashion, driven by consumer appetite for new trends, has led to significant textile waste and pollution.More detailed explanation of negative effects However, it's important to note that shopping also stimulates economic growth, creates jobs, and can foster innovation in retail and product development.Balanced view with positive effectsImproved structure and clarity

Excessive consumerism can exacerbate social inequalities and tensions. As shopping becomes increasingly central to social life and self-expression, those who cannot afford to participate fully may experience feelings of exclusion or resentment. This can lead to a widening perceived gap between social classes, potentially fostering social unrest. For example, the prominence of luxury brands and high-end shopping districts in urban areas can create visible symbols of wealth disparity, affecting community cohesion.More detailed explanationExpanded explanation with improved grammar

In conclusion, while shopping as a leisure activity offers personal enjoyment and economic benefits, it also presents challenges to individual well-being, social equity, and environmental sustainability. Moving forward, it is crucial for consumers to practice mindful consumption, considering the broader impacts of their shopping habits. Simultaneously, governments and businesses should promote sustainable practices and educate the public about responsible consumption. This could include initiatives like promoting circular economy principles, implementing fair labor practices, and encouraging the use of eco-friendly products.Clear recommendations By striking a balance between the pleasures of shopping and its wider implications, society can harness its benefits while mitigating its negative effects.Stronger conclusion with clear recommendations

Trusted evaluation

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We conducted a benchmarking exercise comparing our tool to official IELTS grades. For this purpose, we utilized a range of sample essays from bands 4 to 9, which are available on the ielts.org website.

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In this sample of five essays, ranging from band 4 to 8.5, UpScore.ai's grading was either on par with or within a 1.5 band difference from the official score. In the majority of cases (60%), the AI score varied from the official score by no more than 0.5 band.

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