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Shopping as a leisure activity is an issue that araises an endless debates. There are, therefore, many arguments about positive and negative effects, In this essay I am writing to about the reasons of shopping's popularity and the effects on individuals and on society.

To begin with, shopping is regarded as a kind of leisure actinties such as sports, reading books and watching movies. Sometimes shopping makes a person feel relexed, it is especially true for people who have a lot of money. Most of all many shopper feel proxy satisfaction when they have the right to choose something.

Of course the effects of its popularity depend on individuals and society. But there are a number of effects on individual and society in general. Over consumption is a major problem. The excessive preference of shopping might result in over consuming. And abnormal consumption lead to a violence of nature. To satisfy consumers' need, a lot of companies have to exploit the nature.

The excessive consumption beyond normal shopping is responsible for social tension and class divisions. Because many person who can not affort to buy life commodities might feel anti-society attitude.

From the above we considered two issues. These are very important issues because shopping is an inevitable part of our life. In the future I can hope that shoppers have to consider the influence on the other persons, the nature and society. And the government educate the general public do sound consumption.

words: 243

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Score & Suggestions

1. Total Score: 6.5

Task Response: 9
Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Lexical Resource: 6
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

1. Strengths and How to Maintain Them:

✅ The essay fully addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons for shopping's popularity and its effects on individuals and society.
✅ Your position is clear and well-developed, directly answering the question.
✅ You provide relevant ideas and support them with examples.

2. Top Areas for Improvement: (with Tailored Learning Materials and Examples)

Area 1: Cohesion and Clarity
- ✍️ Suggestion: Pay attention to the cohesion of your essay. Make sure your ideas flow smoothly from one sentence to another and from one paragraph to another. Use transition words and phrases to connect your ideas.
- Example: Instead of saying "In this essay I am writing to about," you can say "In this essay, I will discuss" or "This essay will explore."
Area 2: Topic Organization
- ✍️ Suggestion: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the focus remains consistent throughout the paragraph. Avoid shifting topics within a paragraph.
- Example: In the second paragraph, the focus shifts from shopping as a leisure activity to the satisfaction of shoppers. It would be clearer to separate these ideas into separate paragraphs.
Area 3: Grammar and Punctuation
- ✍️ Suggestion: Review your grammar and punctuation to improve accuracy. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and sentence structure.
- Example: Instead of saying "the excessive preference of shopping might result in over consuming," you can say "excessive shopping preferences might result in overconsumption."

3. Summary: Keep up the good work and focus on improving cohesion, topic organization, and grammar. You have a strong understanding of the topic and provide relevant ideas. Good luck! 😊

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AI Rewritten Essay

Original Essay

Social media has been the topic of many debates and discussions recently, with many people arguing that it has a negative impact on society. While it is true that social media can lead to issues like cyberbullying and reduced face-to-face communication, it is also important to note that social media has many potential benefits.The introduction could be more focused and provide a clearer stance

One positive impact of social media is its ability to create social awareness and connect people from different parts of the world. Additionally, social media is an effective marketing tool for businesses and can be used for social causes.This paragraph lacks specific examples and depth

While it is important to be aware of the negative impacts of social media, it's also important to acknowledge the positive effects it can have. Therefore, I partially agree with the statement that social media has had a negative impact on society.This paragraph doesn't adequately address the negative impacts mentioned in the introduction

Overall, it's crucial to use social media responsibly and strike a balance between its positive and negative impacts.The conclusion is too brief and doesn't effectively summarize the main points

Improved Essay

In recent years, social media has become an integral part of our daily lives, sparking debates about its impact on society. While some argue that social media has predominantly negative effects, I believe that its influence is more nuanced, offering both challenges and opportunities. This essay will examine the potential drawbacks of social media, such as cyberbullying and decreased face-to-face interactions, as well as its benefits in terms of global connectivity and social awarenessAdded specific aspects to be discussed, ultimately arguing for a balanced perspective on its societal impact.The improved introduction provides a clearer stance and outlines the essay structure

Social media platforms have revolutionized global connectivity and social awareness. For instance, the #MeToo movement, which began on Twitter, rapidly spread awareness about sexual harassment and assault worldwide, leading to significant societal changesAdded a specific example. Moreover, these platforms enable instant communication across borders, fostering cultural exchange and understanding. From a business perspective, social media has transformed marketing strategies. Companies like Nike have leveraged platforms such as Instagram to create powerful brand narratives and engage directly with consumers, demonstrating the effectiveness of social media as a marketing toolExpanded on the business aspect with an example. Additionally, non-profit organizations have harnessed social media for fundraising and volunteer recruitment, amplifying their impact on social causes.The improved paragraph provides specific examples and more depth

Despite its benefits, social media does present significant challenges to society. Cyberbullying, for example, has become a pervasive issue, with platforms like Facebook and Twitter sometimes serving as vehicles for harassment, leading to mental health issues among users, particularly teenagersAdded specific examples of cyberbullying impacts. Moreover, the convenience of online interaction has, in some cases, led to a reduction in meaningful face-to-face communication. Studies have shown that excessive social media use can contribute to feelings of loneliness and social isolation, paradoxically diminishing real-world social skillsExpanded on the impact of reduced face-to-face communication. However, it's crucial to balance these concerns against the positive impacts previously discussed. Social media's ability to connect people globally and raise awareness about important issues can, when used responsibly, outweigh its potential drawbacks.The improved paragraph addresses both negative and positive impacts with examples

In conclusion, while social media undoubtedly poses challenges such as cyberbullying and potential social isolation, its capacity to foster global connections, raise awareness about crucial issues, and provide powerful tools for businesses and social causes cannot be overlooked. The key lies in responsible usage and digital literacy education to mitigate the negative impacts while harnessing the positive potential of these platforms. As society continues to evolve with technology, it is essential to approach social media with a balanced perspective, recognizing both its drawbacks and its capacity for positive changeAdded a call to action and final stance. Therefore, rather than viewing social media as entirely negative, we should strive to leverage its benefits while actively addressing its challenges to create a more informed and connected society.The improved conclusion summarizes the main points and provides a final perspective

Trusted evaluation

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We conducted a benchmarking exercise comparing our tool to official IELTS grades. For this purpose, we utilized a range of sample essays from bands 4 to 9, which are available on the ielts.org website.

We evaluated each essay using UpScore.ai and compared the results to the evaluations provided by professional examiners from IELTS, which were included alongside the sample essays. The AI tool demonstrates a solid level of precision and accuracy.

In this sample of five essays, ranging from band 4 to 8.5, UpScore.ai's grading was either on par with or within a 1.5 band difference from the official score. In the majority of cases (60%), the AI score varied from the official score by no more than 0.5 band.

This underlines the tool's reliability in providing valuable and near-accurate feedback for IELTS preparation.